sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
