Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
