I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
