why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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