If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
