My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and she was petting her beer can
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
