ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If I die, sorry about rent.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
