the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All I want is dick and wine.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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