I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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