i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
