I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
