I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
