just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
