I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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