Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
