I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
