I feel great
I just peed on a car
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
