I'm gonna have a badass scar
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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