his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Even my vagina gasped.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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