I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize