You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
pray to the hookup gods
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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