Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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