She went from zero to smokin in five shots
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize