well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
