I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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