I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
with your own penis?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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