so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
