she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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