she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
