before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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