turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
