woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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