I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The air was thick with penises
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
