wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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