That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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