he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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