he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
