yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
