Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
