marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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