my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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