im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
barbara walters just said penis...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
