Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
