Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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