pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
