I hope mine doesn't look like that
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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