herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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