I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
