I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
