My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
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About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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