totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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