dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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