My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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