I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
