I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
