Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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