my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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