no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
