Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
