Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
