For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
