sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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