You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
