apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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