at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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