He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
