Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
