elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
